This is my actual nightmare. I am far too anxious to be taking any odd pill, lying to health professionals, letting a medicine sweep me unconscious with no supervision. I can barely handle caffeine. And a great part of the novel describes Aurora making pretty baseless decisions about the combinations with which she takes these pills, to achieve the depth of slumber she desires, ignoring the instructions to crush or swallow whole or eat on a full or empty stomach.

But let’s say I wasn’t like me. Maybe reading this book would have been quite different.  Maybe someone relates to Aurora, her hopelessness and detachment. 

Not only because she’s Jewish, I LOVED and felt like I was Reva, her best friend, who visits her every so often to recount her life. Aurora hates Reva. She hates everything about Reva. Reva is superficial, narcissistic, always chasing the unattainable dream life, she’s insecure, needy. She’s also caring. She receives so much rejection from Aurora but they need each other so she keeps showing up. She gives her company despite being so jealous of Aurora’s good looks, blonde hair, and thin body.

Aurora is absolutely hateful. I hate her. She’s clearly in pain and doesn’t feel things the way most people do, and has had a difficult life. But she’s also just so mean and I don’t like it. She thinks she’s above everyone. She sees through their desires. But I find it just awful, to laugh at people because they believe in something, or need something. Leave everyone alone. That’s what I kept thinking. And of course Aurora knows she’s beautiful and cultured – an art history major with long beautiful blonde hair. It’s great to be confident, it’s another thing to laugh at insecurity.

It’s all so self-absorbed. She half replies to anything Reva says, but spends hours thinking of pills and drugs and their uses and her sleep and her routine.

“Reva thought it was a loving gesture, but the photo was really meant as a reminder of how little I enjoyed her company if I felt like calling her later while I was under the influence.”

Reva’s not all roses. I think she’s meant to show how absurdly optimistic people were in America before 9/11. Oh yeah, the book’s kind of a bout 9/11. But not? Kind of only got that at the end.

To conclude: I loved how funny and disgusting and cruel Aurora is. I loved how she discovers parts of herself through sleep. I loved that Aurora is kind of repulsed by her self but won’t admit it. I think. And I LOVE, that Aurora is obsessed with Whoopie Goldberg.

Goodnight.